


I'm not breaking (just cracking)

by thetitangami



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, it's mostly angst but ends pretty cute and fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:03:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3749257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetitangami/pseuds/thetitangami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because here Kageyama stands, white as a sheet and starting to shake all because Hinata flinched when he moved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not breaking (just cracking)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Just a small little angst I had to get out.  
> It's going to help if you know that this is based on a AU I have where Kageyamas' father was abusive. That should help explain this a little better. Please enjoy!

It's a Tuesday, probably a little past eight o'clock, and Hinata has learned something very important about Kageyama.

He's not as strong as he seemed, and he is very much breakable.

He can tell this now, as he stares at Kageyama with wide unblinking eyes. The setter is frozen before him, his eyes show nothing but fear and it looks like he's not breathing. It makes something in Hinatas' stomach drop,  it makes him feel angry at himself and so sorry because _why had he even flinched?_

After practice Hinata had still wanted to work on receives, and maybe even his spiking a little. So he'd bugged Kageyama for a solid fifteen minutes before Kageyama shouted out a "fine dumbass, just shut up!". Which lead to Hinata smiling their whole walk to the park while Kageyama grumbled unheated insults at the smaller boy. He was used to it though, all it meant was that he'd won and his teammate was still upset about it. He thinks this is 436 for him and 433 for Kageyama, which puts him a whole three points ahead. He snickers at the thought and doges when he gets swiped at.

They'd gotten the park and texted their parents, letting them know they'd be home even later than usual. After that they got started, Kageyama sending Hinata solid spikes to receive. Hinata called out for ones that were nearly impossible, having Kageyama send them far behind him or hard enough to possible shatter his arms. Well, Kageyama didn't send him spikes _that_ hard. For one, because Kageyama insisted that as long as he was in proper position, the speed or strength of the spike shouldn't matter. The second Hinata was pretty sure that Kageyama didn't want to hurt him. They've been friends for about a year and a half and while Hinatas' learned a lot more about his setter, there's still much left unsaid about him. Like how despite their constant wrestling and scream outs, Kageyama is very careful to make sure he never actually hurts him.

Sure, Kageyama squeezes his head and tosses him, but only because Kageyama knows he can handle it. Anytime Hinata has actually gotten injured (Asahi spiking into his head, him landing on his ankle wrong, etc), Kageyama is by his side in an instant. He's calling him a dumbass and other colorful curse words Hinatas' not too sure existed, but he touches Hinata with gentle hands and his face is always a little pale. At first assumed it was just because Kageyama needed him to toss to, but when Hinata voiced that opinion he was met with a hurt look. Kageyama was actually _hurt_ by the accusation and the guilt Hinata felt made him want to disappear.

Hinata didn't assume things about Kageyama after that.

Yet he never really got an explanation from the setter as to why he was gentle with him. Well, it wasn't just him really. Kageyama yelled at everyone else to, but he'd never intentionally tried to hurt anyone. It never really made sense to Hinata, Kageyama had no problem tearing people down so why was hitting anyone any different? He doesn't really think about this though when there practicing in the park tonight and they start up another one of their arguments. Honestly Hinata can't remember who started it (probably Kageyama, that ass). All he knows is that at some point Kageyama yells that he _"is only useful because of him, and that he's a shit player without me their"._ They both know it's a lie, but it feels like Hinatas' gotten the air knocked out of him and it _hurts so bad._ So in his anger Hinata yells that he _"doesn't need you at all! I've never needed you, all you ever do it scream at me to shut up!"_ Kageyama blinks, his face screws up and he brings a hand up -probably just point at him- and Hinata flinches.

Now though, they stand in the park near the street lamp, and Hinata really needs to know the answer as to why Kageyama is so careful. Because here Kageyama stands, white as a sheet and starting to shake all because Hinata flinched when he moved. Hinata doesn't even know why he flinched; it makes no sense because he knows Kageyama would never lay a hand on him with that intention. So why in the hell did he flinch? Hinata is starting to care less about his reasons because now Kageyama really is shaking, and his chest is caving in sharply like he's trying to breathe but he can't.

Hinata blinks, and takes a step towards the boy. "Oi, Kage-."

"No!" Kageyama brings up his palms and takes a step back, "No, stay away from me Hinata."

He frowns and takes another step, "Kageyama it's fine just-."

Kageyama pales a scrambles backwards from him, "Hinata, don't, get away!"

Kageyama trips in his hurry and lands sharply onto the ground, Hinata gasps and starts to run for him. He calls out "Kageyama!" and his friends response is another attempt to flee. He digs his heels into the ground and pushes, trying his hardest to get away.

"No, no! Hinata stay away-," Kageyamas' voice cracks, and he all but chokes out, "- _please."_

Hinata stops dead, and something inside of breaks because Kageyama is _crying_. He's flat on his ass in the dirt, crying and breathing to sharply and to quickly for it to be normal. Hinatas' lips turn down, and he can feel his own eyes watering. He starts walking towards Kageyama again, slowly as if approaching a wounded animal. "Kageyama, everything's okay. I'm not upset, just don't move okay?"

Kageyama shakes his head fiercely at him and moves to squirm even further away, and Hinata isn't sure what to do. So he steadies himself and calls out Kageyamas' name, his _first_ name, softly and firmly. The reaction is instant, with Kageyama -no, _Tobio_ \- stilling and watching him as he approaches. Hinata makes sure to take it slow, his walks slowly with very controlled movements. Then, after what feels like an eternity, he's crouching down next to Tobios' side. He rests on the backs on his heels, watching Tobio with sad eyes.

Hinata reaches out -still slow- and cups Tobios' face between his hands. His skin is surprisingly soft yet damp from his continuing tears, "Tobio it's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Tobio is shaking so hard Hinata can feel it as he holds his face, and he hiccups as he struggles to gain more air. His mouth gapes like a fish, like he's trying to find words he doesn't know how to say. Hinatas' about to ask if he's okay when he hears Tobio all but sob, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Shouyou I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Hinatas' lower lip trembles as he holds back his own urge to cry and he rubs his thumbs across the setters cheeks bones, whipping away the new tears that fall. "I know, I'm sorry too. I should've have flinched like that, I know you'd never hurt me."

Tobio lets out another choked sound and Shouyou shushes him, rubbing his thumbs across his cheeks one more time. He lets his hands slip from Tobios' face and down over his shoulders, he pulls him close and shoves his face into his neck, hands tightening their grip. He can feel Tobio pause as he probably stops to think about what's happening, but the verdict must be that he just doesn't care, because soon Shouyou can feel a pair of arms wrap around his waist and pull him even closer. Tobio is clinging to him with everything he has; he can feel his hands twist around his shirt. Hinata wants to be closer, so saying _"fuck it"_ to the consequences, he makes a move.

He shuffles closer to Tobio, and without letting the boy go he moves to sit on his lap. In turn Tobio flattens out his legs and pulls Shouyou over to help him along. Now having approval, he sits on his friends lap and faces towards him, moving so that he ends up with his legs wrapped around Tobios' hips. He leaves a little breathing room in-between their chests just in case, but Tobio seems to be having none of that right now, and pulls him forwards until there's no space between them. Shouyou tightens his arms and legs around the boy, and breathes in deeply from where his nose rests at Tobios' neck. Tobio is trembling in his hold, opening crying as he shoves his own face into his hair.

The setter chokes and sobs against him, and he mumbles reassurances into his neck. He tells him that everything's okay, that he's not upset nor will he ever be, and that he's not going to leave him. The grip on Shouyou tightens until he's sure he's only getting half the air supply he should be, but he doesn't care. He doesn't know how long they've been sitting on the ground; all he knows is that it's probably close to ten o'clock at night, and that the park is starting to get cold. He shivers when the wind blows and Tobio squeezes him.  Shouyou isn't sure what exactly it is that compels him to do it, but when Tobio lets out another sob he tilts his head slightly and presses a soft kiss to the side of his neck.

Tobio doesn't say anything to it but his response is placing his own kiss on the top of Shouyous' head, and he knows that it means that it's okay. So every couple of minutes he places another soft kiss onto the side of Tobios' neck, and slowly but surely his partner starts to calm down. Tobios' sobbing comes to a stop, and his gasps turn into slow, even breathing Shouyou can feel against his own chest. 

When he feels like Tobio has finally calmed down enough, he places one last kiss before pulling back. Tobio in turn uncurls himself slightly from him, but tightens his arms so that Shouyou stops with a few centimeters between their foreheads. "Are you okay?"

Tobio nods, leaning down the little space between them to rest his forehead against his own, eyes trained to his. Tobio reaches up and runs a finger through Shouyous' hair, moving his hand all the way down to trail his jaw line before stopping to repeat the motion. It makes his eyes flutter shut, focusing on nothing but the way Tobios' hands feel against his faces, fingers tips calloused from years of training, yet still gentle against his skin. It's comforting, and despite the dark and increasing cold, Shouyou feels as if he could stay like this forever. In the back of his head alarms are going off, all screaming things along the lines of " _you guys are just friends"_ and " _this probably means more to you than it does him_ ". He tries to keep them exactly there, in the _back_ of his head, but they wiggle up until they can no longer be ignored.

He sighs, and breaks the silence. "To- uh, Kageyama, look-."

"No, call me Tobio, like you were going to."

It catches Shouyou off guard, but he hums anyway. "Okay, Tobio I just want to know what this…means to you? I guess."

He can practically feel Tobio staring holes into him, "What do you mean?"

"Like, ugh, what does this feel like? Like do you feel like this is a platonic friend thing, or what?" He keeps his eyes shut, because if he looks at Tobio now he knows it's going to make him want to cry. Shouyou knows the answer to this, Tobio likes girls _he knows the answer to this dammit, why is he asking?_

"From my knowledge _just friends_ don't really sit like this."

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?"

"Oi, Shouyou open your eyes and look at me."

A hand places itself along his jaw; he opens his eyes as his head is tilted upwards towards Tobio. Tobio raises an eyebrow at him, "Did you mean this as a platonic friend thing?"

He blinks and frowns, "Uhm, I don't know? I mean, I wasn't really thinking about it. I just wanted you to stop crying, that's all that mattered to me."

Tobio leans in a little closer, "Hmm? So you had no ulterior motive then?"

Shouyou can feel the heat rise to his cheeks, and he swallows. "N-no, I just wanted you to stop crying. It hurt to see you like that."

This makes Tobio pauses and blink at him, "You mean that?"

"Of course! It felt like someone punched me…" He trails off, looking over the missing patch of grass on his left.

"I feel like those…are uh, probably feelings you feel for people you like more than a friend." Tobio mumbles, coughing once.

He looks back up at Tobio, "Y-yeah…yeah maybe."

The silence grows thick between them, and slowly Tobios' hand slips from his jaw. He's still so close though, and from here Shouyou can see what looks like a faint scar on his cheek he's going to have to ask about later. He can feel his breath fan across his face, and is makes him lick his lips. Tobios' eyes flicker down for a minute before pulling back up to eyes and dammit, he's getting impatient fucking hell.

"Oi! Are you going to kiss me, or-!?" He doesn't get the chance to finish yelling at Tobio because there are lips on his, and _ohmygod this is kinda amazing._

His lips are chapped -which is expected because Shouyou isn't too sure that anything on Kageyama is soft- and it makes Shouyou wonder what his own feel like, soft he hopes. Tobio is probably pressing their faces together to hard (because he's never been smooth), and Shouyou can feel a hand place itself on the small of his back. Then Shouyou is trying not to laugh, because Tobio is still kissing him way to hard but the hand on his back is feather light and gentle. It's ridiculous how he's been rough and soft all at once, but dear _god_ it's so fucking overwhelming Shouyou might faint. Soon though Tobio is pulling back for air and his face is so red Shouyou actually does laugh.

"O-oi! Don't laugh you ass!" Tobios' sputtering and refusing to meet his eyes and its funny because for a second Shouyou almost forgot how much a dork the boy is.

He gulps in some air and tries to calm himself down enough to speak. "I'm not laughing at the kiss; I'm laughing because your face is so red."

Tobio squirms under him, "Well, yeah. It's embarrassing dumbass."

Shouyou refrains from asking how a small peck turns him red, but the fact that he was currently straddling him is all good. He blinks; maybe it was a comfort thing? "I liked it."

"Really?" Tobio looks at him with some type of awe.

"Yeah, well," Shouyou pauses, "you could've maybe been a little softer."

Tobio winces, "Yeah, sorry about that."

Shouyou simple shrugs and smiles, "They do say that practice makes perfect."

Tobio blinks at him. "Wait, you wanna do that again?"

"…"

"Oi! Where are you going!?"

"Bakageyama!"

Yes, Shouyou has many questions about his friend _-boyfriend?-_ and some of them should be answered soon, for now though he's going to walk away before he conks the bastard upside the head.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love some kudos, or comments, or bookmarks or anything really!


End file.
